Should I Come Out at Work?

Dear Lifehacker,

I'm applying for jobs and I'm not sure if and when I should disclose to my potential employer that I'm gay. I don't want to work at a place that won't accept who I am, but I also need the money to pay bills. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Proud in Life but Confused at Work

Dear Proud,

It's tough. We'd like to be able to say that you should be able to come out anywhere, but—as you note—you have to pay the bills, even if your current work environment isn't ideal.

Luckily, with the positive trends nationwide on issues like equal marriage rights and discrimination, odds are your potential employer won't care about your sexual orientation. However, you're not alone in your concerns about being out at work. A recent Wall Street Journal article reports that many recent grads may have been out at school, but decide to stay in the closet at work. You need to do research in advance to answer the question. Here's where to start.

See if Your Potential Employer Is Committed to Equality

The Human Rights Campaign has a detailed Corporate EqualityIndex that lists most national companies and their policies. This resource is a great starting guide to know if the workplace is accepting or not.

Research on smaller companies that aren't on the national index is a bit more difficult. We've talked about how to do reverse reference searches on your potential boss, so this could help you know if the workplace is committed to diversity and equality. Of course, you can search the employer online for additional data. One other tip may be to check their political campaign contributions for an indicator of their opinions on national issues. Don't rely on this exclusively, but it's a data point in your decision. This type of research worked in reverse for former Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich. You can also ask the local LGBTQ community center or organization.

Of course, even if your employer is committed to diversity, it doesn't mean that the individual office or your team members share that mindset. Bigotry exists regardless of rules and regulations, so keep your eyes and ears open at a job interview. Listen for remarks or ilook mages in the workplace that are inconsistent with the company's policy.

Find Out if You Have Legal Protection Where You Work

In many parts of the United States, you are not protected against discrimination based on sexual orientation. HRC saves the day again with a guide on laws protecting you. Just because it's against the law doesn't mean it won't happen, but employers will probably be more careful in these jurisdictions.

Research the Company's Customers

Even if your employer is LGBTQ-friendly, the company's customers and clients may not be. If your work takes you to parts of the world that aren't committed to diversity, will you feel comfortable working there? Subjects of relationships and personal life work their way into interactions. Will you lose business when these topics come up? If your employer ranks high in the HRC equality index, you can ask your potential supervisor or use LinkedIn to find people who worked there in the past and ask them.

Check with Your Significant Other

If you're in a legally recognized marriage, then the HR department at your employer will need know if you want your spouse covered under medical insurance. If you are in a domestic partnership or civil union, you should check if the employer offers domestic partner benefits.

If you aren't asking for benefits from your employer, you still need to consider your comfort level when social events occur at work. Do you bring a date? Do you put a picture of your significant other on your desk or your smartphone? If you decide to stay in the closet at work, check with your partner to see how they feel about that.

Ultimately, It's Your Decision

For the most part, your sexual orientation shouldn't make a difference when applying for a job. It's not relevant. After all, heterosexual people don't disclose their orientation during a job interview. But at the same time, you shouldn't have to actively hide it.

At the end of the day, it's up to you. Hiding a secret is stressful, just like a bad boss or an unmanageable workload—so it may be worth factoring into your decision just like those other issues. You may not perform as well on the job if you are hiding something. Also, if you are in a relationship and you hide it at work, that may cause problems at home. If you do some research and advanced planning, you'll have all the facts to make a personal decision that aligns with your beliefs and your checkbook.

Photos by Rawpixel, Dave Greenbaum, and Oteo .